I am that I am
Updated: Jun 22, 2022
I am separate and I am different
We are connected and I relate to you
What I see in you I also see in me
You seem to suck and I play no part in that.
It’s easy to worry that we may have the undesirable qualities that we see in others,
Like the person who just cut you off on the road.
And shouldn’t it be just as easy to know that we share the good qualities?
That you too have the potential of those you admire and fawn over.
I seep with a desire and an urgency,
I feel and I know truth in my heart, in my gut, but I also don’t know anything,
There is much to explore and discover,
When I open my eyes, the light can feel too strong.
I love coffee and nicotine gum.
Ayurveda, whole foods, and vegan living also seem fun.
I am told to “Fill up your own well…”
In other words, potential to submerge in your own living hell.
It can feel that way when you first began to look within, or every so often,
The ego-ic part of being human is the pain of separation from your infinite higher self,
The finite fearful self is to feel an absence of love, a hollowness,
It is a terrifying feeling.
To be human can be to feel this lie,
The lie that we are separate from source, or unconditional love,
That we are alone and undeserving, that we must prove our deservingness.
We can come to learn that the separation, the alone-ness does not exist.
“Deservingness” is a lie centered in fear,
You deserve because you exist,
You are loved because you exist,
You are innately whole because you exist.
It is all about remembering this,
I feel it and believe it to be true,
Now I don’t feel it and I feel annoyed,
And then I do feel it again.
Then I judge myself and then find my way back to loving myself.
We can know intellectually that the ego is terrorizing because it is scared,
It may take lifetimes to embody and feel this truth,
The truth of unconditional love and safety with self.
Or maybe it can be felt tomorrow,
Or maybe right here and now,
Or perhaps in ten years.
Our world emits an inordinate amount of stimulation,
How can we assume anyone could pay attention “properly?”
When is there so much coming at us all at once?
It is no surprise, and there is no shame in fearing the silence and the stillness.
There is also so much inspiration and brilliance to be found from our technology.
It is hard to make decisions and lasting judgements when there is no right answer.
We don’t need to know the answer or feel shame for wanting to be loved on Instagram,
Living life is to explore balance,
To experience change, extremes, and neutrality.
Dropping into the body and out of the mind creates clarity,
Closing your eyes to take a brief body scan,
What does your heart space look and feel like with closed eyes?
What does your belly look and feel like with closed eyes?
Noticing the space, the openness
Feeling the breath
The inhales and the exhales
How do you feel now?
Can it be this simple?
Keep asking the questions and allow yourself to rest.
This right here is the purpose of life.
To be is to breathe, to breathe is to be.